beginner · catholic · children · from my war room · kids · prayer · prayer beads · rosary · teens

How to Pray the Rosary (a spoof of sorts)

Step One: Get motivated by all the awesome pinterest pins about how awesome the rosary is. You know the ones. The ones that compare it to a nuke, a bouquet of roses for Mary, etc.

Step Two: Decide you want to pray the rosary.

Step Three: Find your rosary (see this post for the full method).

Step Four: Settle down on your couch. Decide it is too informal.

Step Five: Kneel before the crucifix in your room. Get uncomfy.

Step Six: Sit on your heels.

Step Seven: Kneel upright.

Step Eight: repeat steps 6-7 before deciding on a posture.

Step Nine: Realize you forgot what Mystery you were going to pray.

Step Ten: Check your calendar to see what day it is, and remember that you forgot what mystery corresponds with it.

Step Eleven: google it.

Step Twelve: go back to step 5-8.

Step Thirteen: Pray the apostle’s creed impeccably.

Step Fourteen: proceed to stumble over your Lord’s Prayer and Hail Mary’s because you’re busy thinking about how awesome it is that you’re praying the rosary.

Step Fifteen: restart.

Step Sixteen: Get halfway through a decade and realize you were meditatin on your shopping list.

Step Seventeen: see step fifteen.

Step Eighteen: Finally get through a decade, and end up quitting because this is too hard, and the baby is screaming.

Step Nineteen: Restart, with the baby in your hands, and your rosary wrapped around the bottle.

Step Twenty: finish, and feel blessed.


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